resurfacing

i'm guna start doing this again...maybe to keep up with all my amazing and creative friends who are blogging their amazingness like crazy...maybe to keep some account of my life at the moment, whichever. getting back into it. sitting here on a saturday afternoon, pondering what to do with myself once i leave spain and force myself to get a life. starting to feel the effects of not being home (with the exception of a whirlwind 10 days for my bro's wedding) in over 9 months, and while i'm really happy to be staying here for the summer, because i'll probably never have the opportunity to do this again, am struggling a bit lately. i need my family. or more of my family in my life anyway. we'll skype today or tomorrow i am sure. haha. anyways, before coming online today i was having a small identity crisis about what to do with my life and trying to think of some kind of skill i have that would allow me to find a somewhat fulfilling job in my life and what was i thinking staying here for the summer without any secure source of income, and sitting here typing this out, i had a thought, and i think i'm guna stick with it. maybe i need this summer, i need this insecurity of not having a proper job and relying on myself in a country where i can't even 'legally' get a job so that when i get home, i will know that i can survive. i don't know when i developed such a fear of the real world, or where i got the idea that i wouldn't make it in this life, but maybe i need these next few months to know that the world isn't going to eat me alive, that i can make it on my own, and that i do (or will somehow find!) have the resources and skills to keep myself going when nothing is for certain... thats what i'm guna stick with for the moment anyway.