just a place for ideas and thoughts, things that happen and things that i imagine, a place to record my journey and an attempt to catch some of the things that go through my head : )

Friday, July 20, 2007

breaking down but not

i haven't been doing very well lately. putting it down to this stage of my life of uncertainty or growing up or something, just because i have no other category to put it under. and it's weird. i'm happy, i'm stoked to be home, with catching up with friends, with my bed, with the awesome people at work, with new zealand. love it and so enjoy being here. and i'm stoked to go back to hawaii no qualms about that! but for a while now, if anyone asks me how i am like, so how are you? i just want to cry. (note: if you read this, don't ask me how I am) ask what i've been up to, how things are going fine and dandy. but for some reason, when i think about how i am, it distresses me so much that it feels like a raging ocean inside my chest and it takes everything i have in me not to have a melt down right there and then. was talking to a friend last week about it and she's kinda going through the same type of thing - actually there's a few of us, which makes me put it down to this time of my life or something. but anyways, she was like, i feel like i've been 18 for the last 5 years of my life. and i was like, sister, i hear you!
i don't know why it happens, it's not like i'm not happy, i'm not depressed, i don't want anything more from my life or any less, it's just something under the surface that comes out sometimes - like at least once a week : )
that's all i have to say at the moment, that's my news. sorry to be so melodramatic : )

oh yea, and my friend luisa had a baby boy last friday : ) ashton. going to see him today yay!

and i bought a hair straightener. i know what's up with that i'm so not into that but must be i spose to buy one! it's a good one too, and i mean i'll use it that's for sure. so stoked about that, first trademe experience woop woop!

that is all
peace

stopthetraffik